missizzy

Yesterday I said farewell to the my weekend lover of the past few months, the first guy I've gone to bed with since I split from my high school boyfriend over ten years ago. We entered the relationship with the understanding it would end now, since he, six years my junior, had just been accepted to a graduate program at his undergraduate alma mater in upstate New York, where he originally was from too. I go back and forth on whether this was just as well. Had he stayed around much longer, I might have fallen in love with him, but I don't know that we wouldn't have gotten bored with each other. By parting now, I am left with sorrow for the loss but even so I rejoice for having had him when I did. He was a very good young man; gentle-mannered and quite patient and accepting when I needed him to be. Intelligent enough, and sometimes witty. A self-proclaimed country boy who never drove in DC and spoke of eating apples straight from the tree in the yard as a kid. He is currently on a plane to New Zealand, on holiday before he returns to school. Last evening, after he drove me home one last time, I wrote down on two pages things I wanted to remember about him, from sitting on his lap the second time in his apartment during a lull in foreplay and hearing his heartbeat for the first time, to the awkward conversation we had when he said he had been born too late for the Muppets.
And yet my life is going on without pause. I came home to the outcome of the Radwanka-Lisicki match at Wimbledon, and after three hours wandering around Mt. Vernon in the heat I barely had time to rehydrate before it was time to cook dinner, with my dad now able to eat small meals with soft foods; mom and I still do most of the cooking, and of course today I had to go to work, though there was almost noone there. This weekend even with my first furlough day on Monday will be busy, between watching Wimbledon, learning how to properly clean a bathroom, attending my Asberger's social group, and going with my mom to the movies if we can find anything.
I'll be taking a couple months off from dating before I start looking on OkCupid again. I need time to let him go, and also, truly, time for myself. But being with him has given me new confidence that I can be with men to some extent, though I don't know yet how much, and I can only hope that should a time come when I am ready for something more permanent, the man that is there then is at least as good as him. He I suppose will marry some girl from upstate New York; she will be lucky.